I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
