6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
