did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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