And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
