I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
