We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
