you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
