WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
