He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
