so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Randomize
