You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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