You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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