im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
