Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
