trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think your dad took our porno
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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