I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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