I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
