my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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