Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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