Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
