I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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