I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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