this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
