playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
