You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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