is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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