i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
