There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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