I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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