I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
