Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
