She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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