so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
