ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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