btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
