Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
