i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
