yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He better not be in your backpack
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
