The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
