I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
