sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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