dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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