i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
