butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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