don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
