you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
