so let's talk penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
