he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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