DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
