i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
