i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
