i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
