Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
