Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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